


Wake Up, You're a Living Nightmare

by Dramaticfiction



Category: clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-05-25 09:25:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6189052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaticfiction/pseuds/Dramaticfiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Now your heart is as black as your blood.”</p><p>With the possibility of a coup rising against her, Lexa has to balance her duty as the commander all the while being plagued with horrid nightmares and raging anger episodes. </p><p>(Lexa is acting weird and Clarke doesn't know what to do.) </p><p>My storyline takeover!</p><p>I don't own any original characters, this is (obviously) a work of fiction</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa sits on her thrown, her forehead resting on her fingertips, her other hand twirling her dagger on the arm rest, watching the twelve clan ambassadors yell back and forth and over each other.  
“You can’t be serious. Heda, Jus Drien Jus Duan is and always will be the way. Even you can’t be that foolish to throw away decades of tradition.” One of them yells out.  
“Heda is right, what has Jus Drien Jus Duan gotten us? The Mountain Men, Reapers, War. When will it end?” Another counter attacks.  
The yelling continues when one of her guards whispers into her ear. She comes to attention in a blink of an eye. She stands up screams.  
“SHOF OP!” The hall immediately falls silent. Her voice carries and echoes throughout the room. She stands and whispers softly something back to her guard. He nods and she turns to addresses the ambassadors.  
“We will continue this tomorrow. My patience is waining.”  
“Sha, Heda” They say in unison. One by one they exit the hall, eventually leaving a still standing Heda to an empty room.  
Lexa moves to the balcony. The sun warming her face as she stands over her beloved city.  
“What am I doing?” She asks herself.  
Really, what was she doing? Is she really going to risk almost a century of tradition?And for what, a girl? She smiles to herself, thinking of the certain blonde, knowing that she wasn’t just any girl. She’s Clarke. Beautiful, strong, stubborn Clarke.  
She is shaken from her thoughts when a guard shouts for her along with a few more filing in the throne room. She fixes her posture and heads back into the room.  
“Pardon me, Heda, but this couldn’t wait.”  
“What is it, Titus?”  
He snaps his fingers and two brute guards throw a boy to her feet. He’s about her age; his face beaten and bloody, no doubt the guard’s doing. He looks up at her and his eyes lock on to hers.  
“Who is this?”  
“A sky boy, Heda. A thief. Our men were tracking him with a woman. They steal from the travelers. We can’t find the girl, but he was found on one of our trade routes.”  
“Why is this brought to me? You know what to do with thieves, Titus.”  
“Apologizes, Heda, but when he was searched, he was in possession of this.” Titus places the blue chip into her hand. She examines it for a moment, twirling it between her fingers. She kneels down to the boy’s level, showing him the chip.  
“Where did you get this?”  
“Why should I tell you? You’re just gonna kill me after.” He spits back.  
“I assure you that it won’t come to that.”  
“How can I trust you?”  
“I give you my word as Heda.”  
He goes silent. She waits for him to respond but nothing is said. She stands again, looking once more at the chip. She nods at Titus and he motions for the guards to carry him out. The boy kicks and squirms, trying to escape their grasp. She walks over to Titus’ side. Both of them looking in the direction of the door.  
“This stays between you and I.”  
“Sha, Heda.”

Lexa makes her way to her room, shutting the door softy, leaning against it and closes her eyes.  
“Trying day?”  
Her eyes shoot open to see Clarke sitting on the couch. She lets out a heavy breath, taking off her armor as she makes her way next to her. Once rid of her clunky clothes, she plops herself on the other side of the couch. Clarke smiles and lets out a small chuckle.  
“Wanna talk about it?”  
“I don’t want to burden you with matters that you don’t need to worry about. It’s just…”  
“What?” Clarke says as she turns her body to face Lexa.  
“Complicated. The ambassadors, they still think me weak for not seeking vengeance for that village. They say that the boundary set on skikru isn’t enough.”  
Lexa sits up and looks Clarke in the eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes sparkle in the candle light. The warm yellows and oranges bounce off her scarred, but beautiful face.  
“I don’t know how long I can do this, Clarke.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“This peace. There are 300, maybe more lost souls on the account of skikru and there’s no justice for us. I know we must try for peace, but I soon fear our efforts won’t amount to anything but retaliation.”  
Lexa leans forward, putting her face into her hands. Clarke moves closer and puts a hand on her knee.  
“You know it’s the right thing, Lexa.”  
“I do, and you do, but do they?”  
“We’ll make them see it.”  
Lexa scoffs at the remark. Clarke squeezes her knee so Lexa faces her. Her face painted with stress and defeat.  
“Do you trust me?” Clarke speaks softly.  
“You know I do.”  
“Then believe when I say this is going to work.”  
Clarke gives her knee one more squeeze then goes to stand, Lexa mimicking her movements. Neither of them realize their closeness until they stand. Their eyes locked, unable to tear away from one another. Lexa’s eyes dart from Clarke’s eyes to her lips and back. Clarke’s breath hitches at the sight of it, but then immediately clearing her throat and starts to move towards the door.  
“Goodnight, Lexa.” Clarke says to her, one hand on the door handle, but taking one more glance at the commander. Lexa smiles and nods as she watches Clarke leave the room.  
Lexa lets out a shaky breath, eyes still locked on the door. She snaps out of it and walks over to sit on her bed. She sits there for a moment, eventually a toothy grin makes it’s way to her face. Biting her lip, she squeals and falls back on her bed. She might be the commander of 12 clans, but at the end of the day, she’s just a young woman in love. She eventually closes her eyes, waiting for sleep to take her.  
“Goodnight Clarke.” 

1…34…12…30…18…  
Lexa is sitting on her throne, only she is not in the throne room. Before her are the figures of the past commanders, staring at her, not speaking a word. She looks around to notice that they’re at the door of Mt. Weather.  
1…34…12…30…18…  
She gets up to approach the commanders but they move away, parting to make a path towards the door. Lexa pauses before cautiously moving towards the door, confused as to why they won’t look at her. She slowly makes her way to the door, looking back once more, the commanders now surrounding her but still no word or movement from any of them.  
1…34…12…30…18…  
The giant metal door pushes itself open and all of Lexa’s breath escapes her. There before her are Costia, Gustus, the Natblidas from her conclave…her parents.  
“Nomon? Nontu?” They stare at her with empty eyes.  
“Costia?” Still nothing.  
“Gustus?” The silence hangs heavily in the air and in her lungs. It’s too much.  
“WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT ME! SAY SOMETHING!” She screams, looking at the people before her and at the commanders behind her.  
1…34…12…30…18…  
The commanders point in unison back Gustus and the rest of them. They parted to show a body lying on the ground. Lexa’s heart stops. She rushes past everyone and to the side of the body, cradling it against her body, tears falling freely down her face.  
“Lexa…”  
“I’m here Clarke.” She says, brushing blonde locks away from Clarke’s face. As she was pulling back the hair, she notices that her hand is covered in blood. She looks down again and Clarke was gone, the blood still warm on her hands.  
“Why did you do this to me, Lexa?”  
She twirls around from her place on the ground to see Clarke standing with everyone, her shirt covered in…black blood.  
Lexa is mesmerized by how the black liquid stains Clark’s clothes and arms.  
“Why?” Clarke asks once more.  
“Clarke I-“  
“WHY DID YOU LET THEM TAKE ME!?” She shouts and Lexa scrambles backwards until she feels her back hit the wall.  
All of the sudden, the commanders start to chant.  
“Jus Drien Jus Duan, Jus Drien Jus Duan…”  
Everyone creeping closer to her, Clarke kneeling in front of her, placing her hand on Lexa’s chest, over her heart. She starts to feel a stinging pain in her chest, looking down, blackness spreads through her veins and makes its way to her heart. She screams as she tries to pry Clarke’s hand away from her but she won’t budge. She can feel the darkness overcoming her with every second, Lexa’s eyes start to close but not before Clarke speaks into her ear.  
“Now your heart is as black as your blood.”

 

“NO!” Lexa screams as she jolts upright from her bed. Her eyes frantically scan to see that she’s back in Polis and in her room. The sweat slides down her cheek, dripping from her chin and onto her shirt. Her chest heaves from her labored breathing, she tries to calm down; closing her eyes, only hearing the sound of her heart beating. She rips off the blankets of furs and walks out onto the balcony. The crisp cool air hits her face, her heart beat slowly getting back to normal. She leans on the edge, her forehead resting on the cool concrete, trying to forget what the hell she just witnessed.  
“Lexa?” She whipped around to see Clarke, wearing the nightgown she had given her a few nights before. It looks beautiful on her. She stood upright, moving into the room, closer to Clarke.  
“I-I didn’t hear you come in.”  
“I heard you scream.”  
“Oh.” Was all Lexa could mutter. She walks over to her water basin, splashing it on her face, trying to rid herself of the sticky sweat that painted her skin.  
“Are you all right?”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Didn’t sound like it.”  
Lexa wiped her face, still not looking at Clarke.  
“It was just a bad dream, nothing to be worried about.”  
Without a word, Clarke moves closer and grabs on of Lexa’s hands, squeezing it tightly. Lexa turns to finally face her.  
“You know you can tell me, Lexa.”  
“I know. I just don’t want you to worry.”  
“I’ll always worry about you.”  
They stay like that for a few seconds, taking each other in. No war paint, no armor, just them.  
“Go back to bed, Clarke, I’ll be fine. The sun rises in a few hours and you need to rest.”  
“Are you sure, cause I-“  
“I assure you, I’ll be fine.”  
Clarke nods and lets go of Lexa’s hand, making her way to the door, slipping out without another word or glance. Lexa looks down to her hand, instantly feeling the poor absence of Clarke’s hand in hers. No black blood, thank God.  
Instead of going back to bed, Lexa makes herself comfortable on her couch. She doesn’t read or occupy herself with some mindless task, instead she watches as the sun slowly starting to rise, wondering why she was plagued with such a horrid dream, especially about Clarke. 

Eventually Lexa, Clarke, and the ambassadors once again file into the throne room. Lexa takes her place at her chair and everyone else following suit at their respected seats, Clarke isn’t surprised when she sees her chair is closest to Lexa’s. Titus appears at Lexa’s side instantly, motioning everyone to sit. She turns to Clarke, gives her a quick smile, and turns to the rest.  
“Has Heda had a chance to think about our discussion yesterday?” One them pipes up.  
“I have. The slaughter of our people, those who were sent to protect them, is a grave loss. However, I still stand by my word. Blood must not have blood.”  
The once silent room became filled with objections and threats.  
“Heda, we will not stand for this! This is an outrage, how can you sit there and say that Blood must have blood when innocent lives have been lost!? And for what?! Because they don’t like us? We killed a hundred of them but they killed six times more of us!”  
Lexa immediately stands up.  
“You have no right to question my decisions! What I’ve done is for the good of the people. Mine and yours.”  
She walks closer to the ambassador that objected her.  
“I have done things you would never do in your lifetime. I have suffered more than you think.”  
She gets even closer to them, enough that they stand mere inches apart.  
“What has been said, has been said. What is done has been done. I will no longer hear of this. My decision is final.”  
Clarke could see the thin layer of sweat forming on the ambassador’s forehead, their body shaking in the presence of Heda.  
“Sit down, ambassador.”  
They sit immediately, their eyes not leaving Lexa’s. She turns and walks over to sit back on her thrown.  
“Anyone else care to tell me how they feel about my ruling?”  
Everyone looks at each other, making sure no one will be another victim of Heda’s anger.  
“If no one has anything else to say, I close this council.”  
All at once, the ambassadors stand, bow, and leave with haste, some of them saying things that Clarke found extremely harsh. She makes her way towards Lexa. Lexa’s face rests in her hands, her fingers pinch the bridge of her nose.  
“Clarke, before you say anything, I know. It’s all for the sake of peace.”  
“Mockery doesn’t look good on you, Heda.” She remarks.  
Lexa looks up at a smirking Clarke. She lets out a small chuckle before Titus intervenes.  
“Heda, I don’t think now is the time for laughter. You heard what they said, they will not stand for this. I know you want peace but this-“  
“Is the only way. Titus, what Jus Drien Jus Duan brought us is anything but peace. I need you to trust me when I say this is the only we can get it.”  
“We?”  
They both turn to look at Clarke and Titus exhales sharply.  
“Wanheda, may I speak with Heda in private?”  
Clarke bows and exits the room.  
“You can’t keep putting the future of our people in some sky girl.”  
“I’m not putting the future in her. She is the future. Don’t you understand? She is the only one in nearly a century that has gotten us this close to peace.”  
“You say this because you care for her.”  
Lexa turns quickly to face Titus, he backs away at the site of her glare.  
“My feelings do not dictate my duty as commander.”  
“You say that, yet you are making foolish decisions anyway.”  
“Foolish? My decisions saved our people from the mountain. My decisions kept Wanheda out of the Ice Nation’s hands. My decisions killed the Queen. Do not tell me my decisions are foolish!!”  
Lexa screams as she stabbed her dagger into the arm chair. Where did that come from?  
Lexa grabs her dagger and starts to walk away but Titus speaks up and stops her.  
“Then why did your decisions get Costia killed?”  
Without looking back at him, she spoke only enough that he could hear.  
“Because it was my foolish mistake to leave her in your care.”


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa woke with a pounding in her head. She looked around noticing that she fell asleep on her couch once again.   
“Heda.” She heard a muffled voice along with a firm knock on her door. The sound of the knock radiated in her head, causing her to wince in pain. The knocking continued for some time until she had the energy to get herself to the door.  
“What is it Titus?” She says, trying to fight through the relentless pounding in her head.  
He bursts through the door, walking straight past her.  
“Titus?…”  
He doesn’t answer, instead he grabs a bag and starts to throw anything in the room he can find worth packing.  
“Titus, what is it? What’s going on?” She questions, concern dripping from her voice.  
He frantically continues to pack, muttering to himself completely ignoring Lexa’s question. Lexa grabs his arm, pulling him out of his trance. His eyes are wide and he’s shaking through her strong grip.  
“Titus…” She whispers.  
“They’re coming for you, Heda.”  
“Who?”  
“Everyone. The ambassadors, they rose against you. They already killed the ones that supported you. They are coming for you and Clarke. You need to leave now!”  
“We need to get Clarke.”  
“There is no time.”  
“You said they’re coming for her too.”  
“Heda, there is no time!”  
“Well, make time!”  
“Wanheda can take care of herself.”  
He grabs a cloak and pushes in into her grasp.   
“And I can’t?!”  
He grabs onto her pulling her towards the door but she frees herself.  
“That is not what I meant…”  
As soon as he says those words, Lexa freezes. It all makes sense.  
“You did this.”  
“Heda, we don’t have time-“  
“You organized the coup. You told them to come here and raid us.”  
“They won’t harm you, they gave me their word.”  
She scoffs. She can’t believe this; her own teacher planned a coup against her so she can be reminded that love is weakness, that Clarke is her weakness.   
“I’m going to get Clarke and you are going to let me. You are going to let us slip away and let them raid my quarters.”  
“Heda, they will know I told you. It will be feeding me to the wolves.”  
“Well, they’re hungry aren’t they?”  
With that she quickly grabs a paper weight from the nearby table and threw at his head, nailing him right above his eyebrow. He falls with a solid thud. Lexa runs to grab the bag out of his grasp when she starts to hear shouting coming from the hall. She runs behind her bed, revealing a secret passage.   
“And to think I could trust you.” She whispers, looking back once more at Titus before ducking into the passageway.

 

“Clarke! Clarke!”   
“Mmm-wha?” Clarke mumbles as she slowly opens her eyes, only to see a panicked and fully clothes Lexa.  
“Clarke, we have to leave, right now!” Lexa whispers as she throws Clarke clothes and a cloak.   
Clarke has never seen Lexa this distressed so she dresses as quickly as she can without question. Once she puts on the cloak, the screaming from the halls grow louder and louder. Lexa grabs her arm and drags them to the same passageway door that she entered the room in.  
Once a good couple feet into the passage, Clarke stops Lexa.  
“What the hell is going on, Lexa?”  
As soon as Lexa opens her mouth, loud crashes and yelling echo through the tunnel.  
“I will tell you everything, but we have to go.”  
Lexa guides them through the passage way and out to an entrance to the forest outside Polis’ walls. She stops Clarke and pulls her down into some brush. Passing them were warriors with spears, swords, and…guns? Why would grounders have…  
“Bellamy?” Clarke whispers to herself, astonished to see the man marching towards the capital building with Pike and some other trigger-happy morons following their lead.  
Clarke doesn’t even have time to process what she saw because Lexa is dragging her into the deep thick of the forest. They run for some time until they hear a familiar sound.  
“Octavia? Lincoln?” Clarke squints her eyes in the darkness to see both Octavia and Lincoln running towards them, followed by Indra. Octavia runs to wrap Clarke up in a bone crushing hug.  
“Thank God you’re ok. I thought they already got to you.”  
“Who got to me?” Clarke questions.  
“We should hide for the night. The armies will have search parties scouting the forest. Follow me.”  
Indra interrupts the reunion and leads them quietly and swiftly through the dark forest. Lexa intertwining her hand with Clarke’s as they move, no intentions of letting go anytime soon.  
Eventually, they reach a wall of thick brush. Indra pulls it back to reveal a small opening to a cave. They can hear the warriors closing in on them so everyone quickly floods in and position themselves in the very back of the cave. Everyone stops moving when a dark shadow appears before the brush. Clarke’s eyes go wide as she tries to push herself even further back against Lexa. Lexa pulls her in by the waist; her head resting on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke looks over at Octavia, who’s eyes are locked on the entrance, one hand on her blade, the other holding on to Lincoln.   
“Hon emo op!” one of them yells in Trigedasleng.  
Clarke jumps at his roaring voice which causes Lexa’s grip on her to tighten. The warriors start to move away from the cave, making their way further into the forest. Lexa lets go of Clarke and Octavia lets down her guard.   
“We can’t risk making a fire with them scouting the forest all night.” Lincoln is the first out of them to speak.  
“We take turns with the night shift. I’ll take the first one. We rotate in two hours.” Indra adds on.   
She takes her place at the front of the cave, her sword at the ready. Lexa leans her back against the wall, making room for Clarke to lean against her. She makes her way over to Lexa and as she scoots herself against Lexa, Lexa throws her cloak on top of them. Clarke leans her head on her chest, grabbing her arm to pull around her.   
“What happens now? The ambassadors want you dead, they want me dead-“  
“They want vengeance and they will start with killing me.”  
“Why only you?”   
“They believe that once I’m gone, you will be too weak to fight them and you will ultimately beg for death and when the coalition breaks, the ice nation will raid and attempt to conquer as much land as they can. It will throw this world in chaos; and that’s exactly what they want.”  
They both stay silent for a moment, Clarke looking over at Octavia and Lincoln. Lincoln was fast asleep but Octavia gave her this look as she heard their conversation. 

I am so sorry.

“We can’t go to Arkadia. They’ll be all too happy to hand over our heads on a spike if it means they get their war.”  
“We’ll to go Luna. She can hide us until we make a more solid plan.”  
“How can we trust her?”  
“For all we know, she might possibly be dead already.”  
“Then why-“  
“Shhh, Clarke. you’re thinking too much. Please go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” Lexa says pulling her closer.   
Clarke eye’s slowly start to close until sleep takes her into the night.

1…34…12…30…18…  
Lexa opens her eyes and she’s back at Polis. Everything looks calm but no one seems to be in sight. She gets up her place on her throne to walk towards the doors, but they won’t open. After a few more tries of smashing, kicking, and pushing on the doors, she finally gives up.   
“Lexa.”   
She turns around quickly but sees no one.   
“Leeeexa.” The soft voices almost sings her name into the brisk air. She’s enchanted by the beautiful sound of her voice being called out. The voice continues to draw her closer to the balcony and when she reaches the edge, she stops.   
1…34…12…30…18…  
“Why did you let me die?” A voice appears behind her.  
She whips around to see Clarke’s head in the hands of Nia.  
“Why did you let me die?” Clarke’s head speaks to her in a calm voice. Lexa thinks she’s going to pass out. First Costia, now Clarke?   
“Clarke…”   
She doesn’t get to say anymore. Nia kicks her off the balcony with a force that is probably unnatural. She lands on the ground with a hard thud, but by some miracle she’s alive.   
1…34…12…30…18…  
Just when she’s about to get up, she feels hands, hundreds of them, clawing at her, dragging her down into the ground. She tries to fight them but there are too many and they’re too strong. The darkness becomes the only thing she sees.  
1…34…12…30…18…

Lexa wakes up with a jolt, pounding her head into the side of the cave in the process.  
“Jok!” She whispers under her breath as she rubs her head.   
The pain is soon forgotten when she realizes that her chest feels lighter. She looks down and realizes that Clarke is gone. She almost gets into a sprint when Clarke walks in with some food, walking over to her. Noticing the sweat collecting on Lexa’s face, she quickly sits by her, examining her for any injuries.  
“I’m fine, Clarke. Bad Dream.”  
“Are you gonna tell me this time?”   
Lexa remains silent. Clarke lets out a heavy breath and shoves some food towards Lexa, walking out of the cave. Lexa disregards the food and drops her head in her hands. She can’t tell Clarke, it’ll worry her too much, and when she gets worried; she gets paranoid, and that never ends well.   
“Heda, we’re leaving.” Lincoln says as he pokes his head into the cave.  
Lexa nods and collects her things. When she packs everything and reaches for her cloak, she notices a black mark on her hand. Confused, she pulls back her sleeve to reveal that her veins in her arm turned black. She yanks her sleeve down and puts on her glove, ignoring it completely and proceeds to walk out.

I am in so much trouble.

About three hours later, they stop for some water by a nearby stream. Nobody talks while they refresh themselves. Lexa stays back a little, leaning up against a nearby tree when she feels a tug on her sleeve. She flinches to pull it down even further, but relaxes when she sees Octavia with a water bottle in her hand.  
“Thank you.”  
“Anytime…Heda, may I ask you something? Something personal?”  
“You may.” She says before taking a sip of water.   
“Why were you saying Clarke’s name in your sleep?”   
Lexa chokes on her water, coughing furiously, grabbing the attention of Clarke. Lexa puts her hands up to stop Clarke from moving any closer. She grabs Octavia by the arm and takes her further away from the stream.  
“What did you hear?” Lexa whispers.  
“You saying Clarke’s name?” Octavia furrows her eyebrows together, confused as to why Lexa is getting extremely worked up about this.  
“Is that it? Just her name?”  
“Yeah, well, I mean, you were saying it over and over again. And you were fidgeting.”   
Lexa starts to pace back and forth.  
“This is not happening.”  
“Heda?”   
Lexa ignores Octavia, still pacing, frantically muttering. Octavia has to do something.  
“Lexa!”  
She grabs Lexa’s arms, stopping her in her tracks. Octavia searches her eyes and sees nothing but fear.   
“You can’t tell Clarke.” She whispers in a shaky voice.  
“Can’t tell her what?”   
Lexa’s eyes look down at her arm, her sleeve is pushed up a bit; just enough to see her black veins running all over her smooth tan skin. Octavia lets go and grabs Lexa’s hand, removing the glove in the process, not even asking permission.  
“Is this Titus’ doing?”  
“I’m not sure. You have to promise that you can’t tell Clarke.” Lexa tells her as she puts on her glove again.  
“I don’t want her to worry.”  
“She’s always gonna worry about you.”   
Lexa smiles at her and nods as they start to make their way back to the others. Once Lexa is facing the other way, her face drops. She whispers to herself as tears threatening to fall.  
“And that’s what’s going to get her killed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I'm lazy with updates. Midterms are a pain in my ass!  
> Anyway, enjoy and comments are always welcome:)
> 
> Hon emo op = Find them
> 
> Jok = Fuck!
> 
> (If I get any Trigedasleng translations incorrect, please let me know so I can make corrections)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! Back to writing! I'm so terribly sorry, moving and movie making takes up so much time. Hope this will do until next update, let me know in the comments!:)

For hours now they’ve been walking and for hours now, silence surrounding them. Only the animals around them making the occasional chirp or rustle in the bushes. Lexa stays in the back of everyone, keeping her distance, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Clarke looks back at her, noticing her slumped shoulders and eyes connecting to the ground. She looks so fragile, not even remotely resembling the commander Clarke knows she is. Clarke turns around, swallowing her feelings, knowing that if she tried to get anything out of Lexa, it wouldn’t work.  
“Something on your mind Wanheda?” She flinches when Octavia appears next to her.  
“Nothing. And don’t call me that.” Clarke speaks softly.  
“Sorry. But I know that face, you’re thinking too hard.”  
Clarke remains silent.  
“Come on Clarke, you know you can talk to me, no sarcastic comments, no nothing, just…talk to me.”  
Clarke looks at Octavia, her face pleads for openness and honesty. She’s taken aback with how real Octavia is being with her.  
“I just want to know what’s with her, like a couple days ago, we were happy, well happy-ish. I mean we were close- not that close but-“  
“I get it, Clarke. You guys are close, anyone can see that.”  
“Well anyone can see that she’s pushing me away right now and I don’t know what to do. Did she tell you anything lately? Anything odd with her?”  
Octavia froze. Clarke scrunches her face.  
“You know something.”  
“No I don’t.” Octavia quickly recovers and begins to walk again.  
“Yes, you do, clearly.” Clarke motions to her body.  
“I thought I saw something.”  
Clarke stops right in front of her, her hand pushing Octavia back to a halt.  
“Bullshit. You know something and if you think that telling me that she didn’t tell you anything is the way to go, then you are fucking insane.”  
Clarke’s voice whispers into her face, anger, sadness, and frustration seething through her teeth and her eyes, desperate for any answers.  
“What’s the hold up sky girl?” Indra yells back, stopping everyone and causing Lexa to look up and stop in her tracks. Her and Clarke lock eyes instantly. Please let me in.  
Everyone grows silent when a rustle in the bushes catches their attention. Swords drawn, guns at the ready, they face the direction in which they heard the noise. Lincoln inches further towards the sound. As he was about to pull back the brush, bandits flew in from every direction, at least ten of them. Lincoln instantly gets tackled to the ground but fights back quickly, rolling the man over so her stood over him. He plunges his sword into his chest and the man grows limp. Everyone goes one on one with a bandit, including Clarke. She looks around to see Lexa fighting off a man 3x her size, throwing him to the ground like a rag doll. Octavia whips her sword eight feet in front of her, stopping the bandit from tackling a busy Indra, who was fighting two men at once. Clarke moves to aim at the man that was fighting with Lexa when a beefy, scruffy looking man drops in front of her, his body blocks all the sun from Clarke’s vision.  
“Hello Wanheda.” The man says.  
He swings his sword down but Clarke quickly moves out of the way. She shoots at him, but only hitting him in the arm, not even slowing him down in the slightest. He grabs Clarke, shoving her to the ground, pinning her under him.  
“I have orders but this is an opportunity I can’t miss.” He growls.  
As he raises his sword to kill, he is tackled by Lexa. They roll around until Lexa is on top, disarming the bandit. Clarke aims her gun but hesitates when she sees Lexa beating the man to a pulp. Octavia, Indra, and Lincoln run to where Clarke is, all frozen in place, witnessing what Clarke believes is the scariest Lexa has looked since she laid eyes on her.  
Blood splattering Lexa’s face and body as she beats the already dead man, continuing to throw punch after punch with as much rage as the last. Clarke has seen enough, she looks at Lincoln and he gives a quick nod. He runs over to Lexa, pulling her off the dead body. She squirms in his grasp, fighting to get free. He eventually lets her go, but her eyes and her body scream “murderer!”  
Her eyes were a darker green, showing no signs of Clarke’s real Lexa in them at all. Clarke puts away her gun and slowly starts to approach Lexa, who is breathing heavily, covered in blood; staring down the dead bandits before her. Octavia grabs Clarke by the arm, trying to pull her back, but Clarke pulls from her grasp, putting her hands out, telling them not to move.  
“Lexa?” Clarke asks, still approaching her. No answer.  
“Lex?” Clarke asks one more time, touching her shoulder. Lexa whips around, starling Clarke, flinching away from Lexa.  
“Lexa, it’s me. You need to calm down. It’s fine. I’m fine.”  
She approaches her once more and when she touches Lexa, Lexa’s face seems to soften. Clarke notices the change and grows bolder. She cups her face with her hands, locking eyes with her. Lexa’s eyes start to well up with tears as she drops to the ground, falling to her knees. Clarke sinks down to once again face the crying commander. She wraps her in her arms as Lexa bawls into her shoulder. Clarke looks back to the three others just watching their beloved commander shatter before their eyes. They give them their privacy, walking off just out of hearing distance.  
“Lexa? Lexa, look at me.” Clarke pushes on her shoulders, trying to get the woman to make eye contact but her eyes stay locked onto the ground.  
“What happened?”  
“I’ll explain later, we’re in bandit country.” Lexa wipes her face of tears and some blood and moves to stand, but not before finally locking eyes with Clarke.  
“I am not moving an inch unless you explain to me what is happening with you.”  
Lexa’s hand moves to clutch Clarke’s, squeezing it tightly.  
“I will explain hodnes, trust me. Let’s just get somewhere safe.” 

Later that night, Lincoln puts another piece of wood onto the roaring fire as he sits down next to Octavia.  
“So how did you know to come here? I mean, how did you even find this place?” Clarke asks as she points to the various old cars in the abandoned parking garage.  
“Photographic memory I guess. I knew it was here but for the life of me, I can’t remember how.”  
Clarke catches Octavia’s eyes. 

The reaping.

Clarke nods in understanding and turns her attention to Lexa, who’s inspecting the old cars one by one a few rows back, opening them and looking over the contents inside. Clarke walks over to the curious commander.  
“You know, I’ve never actually seen a car. I’ve heard about them when I read but never seen one up close.”  
“What are ‘cars’?” Lexa asks without tearing her attention away from the dashboard.  
“They were a mode of transportation before the missiles came down. They took people from one place to another quickly.”  
“Fascinating.” Lexa whispers as she runs her hands over the steering wheel.  
Clarke and Lexa fall into a silence as Lexa continues to look over the interior…  
“What’s happening to you?”  
Lexa freezes her movements.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Lexa, I know you’re scared but please let me in. I can’t help unless you tell me what’s wrong.”  
Clarke grabs her hand with both of hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. Lexa turns and faces her, only mere centimeters apart.  
“Clarke, I honestly don’t know what’s going on, I…” Lexa stops herself from say anything further, in fear that she’ll say everything.  
“Hey, it’s ok.” Clarke speaks softly.  
Lexa drops her head on Clarke’s shoulder.  
“I’m scared, Clarke. I’ve never killed after death. Never”  
Clarke pushes away to face her.  
“We’ll find out what’s wrong, ok? You just have to promise me that you won’t shut me out again. I care about you and seeing you like this hurts me.”  
Lexa pulls her into her arms and Clarke buries her face into her neck, immediately finding relaxation.  
“I care for you too Clarke.” 

That’s why I can’t tell you the truth. 

“These are amazing contraptions.” Lexa says as she turns around to look at the plethora of vehicles, hoping to change the subject.  
“Yeah, they’re awesome, imagine if we could get them running again.”  
“None of us would know how to operate one.”  
“We have rovers at Arkadia, same principle, pedal to go, pedal to stop.”  
“Imagine the use we could get out of them.”  
“We can stay in them for tonight. It’s getting cold and they retain heat well.” Octavia blurted out whilst stomping on the fire.  
Indra picks the back of a pick up to settle herself in while Lincoln and Octavia climb into a min van next to Indra.  
Clarke moves to go to another car but Lexa grabs her wrist.  
“Stay with me?”  
Without another word, Clarke follows Lexa into the back of the Jeep Lexa was inspecting minutes before. Clarke shuts the door and settles next to the commander. Lexa pulls Clarke closer and stillness surrounds them. It’s so peaceful. Clarke looks up at Lexa, who’s already staring at her, and smiles.

A faint pounding wakes Lexa from her sleep, only to see Octavia becoming her to get out. Lexa got stop move, forgetting a certain blonde on her lap. Octavia puts a finger to her lips signaling for her to act quietly. Octavia slowly opens her door while Lexa gently lifts Clarke’s head from her lap, placing her on the seat. She closes the door and faces Octavia.  
“I know what’s wrong with you.”  
The statement made Lexa’s heart stop and her stomach churn. By the look on Octavia’s face, it’s not good.  
“Tell me.”  
“I would but Lincoln’s the one who knows the details, he sent me to come get you. Follow me.”  
Octavia starts for the garage exit, leading us outside to the dewy morning air. Indra’s sleeping agaisnt a nearby tree while Lincoln flips through his journal. Once hearing the snap of twigs, he looks up to see the young women.  
“Heda. I may have found what’s been troubling you. It explains the mood variations, the dreams, everything.”  
Lexa nods for him to continue.  
“I fear it’s not what you want to hear.”  
There’s a long silence between the three before Lexa speaks up.  
“Tell me, Lincoln.”  
Just as he was about to relay the news, shouts coming from the distance echo into their ears.  
“They found us. We need to hide!” Lincoln yells before running to wake up Indra.  
“The garage. Get to the cars and hide!” Octavia shouts as she swings open the door.  
Shutting it solid, They split off into separate cars, Lexa sprinting towards were she left Clarke. Tearing the door open, she finds Clarke still sound asleep.  
“Clarke….Clarke!” Lexa shakes the girl until she jolts awake.  
“Lexa? What’s going on?”  
The shouts become more prominent as Lexa shoves her way back into the car, pulling them both into the trunk, and shutting the door, hitting the lock button as she does.  
“Lexa, what the hell?!” Clarke whispers.  
Lexa shushes her as she pushes both of them further down so that they blend in with the darkness of the Jeep. Lexa turns to Clarke.  
“They found us.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, wow. It's been a long time. Sorry about that. Movie making and vacations can really take all your time up. Hopefully, I can update more often than not.
> 
> Enjoy!

Deep and labored breathing is the only sound echoing in Clarke’s ears as her and Lexa stay scrunched in the trunk of the car. Clarke looks over to Lexa, who’s eyes are glued to the back window, sweat moving with her rapidly moving chest. Even when they’re in danger, Lexa still manages to look gorgeous.  
Suddenly loud bangs on metal crash into the garage, forcing Clarke and Lexa to flinch and duck down further. Clarke’s hand tightly grasps as Lexa’s as their collective breathing grows even faster. Lexa looks down at their intertwined hands, gripping Clarke’s back as they listen to the huntsmen breaking the door.  
Five minutes pass and they hear the the door give way.  
“Shit.” Clarke whispers.  
“You two check that side, we’ll go down this aisle. We have three minutes.” A voice barks orders as multiple footsteps bombard down and around the garage.  
“Pike?” Clarke whispers, looking to Lexa.  
Lexa shuts her eyes and leans her head back.  
“They’ve joined the other clans.”  
“You mean…”  
“Not only the clans want us dead, your people want us dead as well.”  
“Perfect.”  
A nearby car door slams shut.   
Their world goes silent.  
Breathing.  
Smashing.  
Footsteps.   
Lexa and Clarke watch a dark shadow approach their car. The handle begins to shake.  
They freeze.  
“We got to go, time’s up. Move on.” Pike’s voice thunders off the walls. The handle stills.  
Lexa and Clarke breath a sigh of relief.   
The metal door slams shut and Lexa moves to unlock the trunk door. They both climb out and take in the cold air they’ve severely been lacking for the past five minutes. Octavia and Lincoln, as well as Indra, climb out, gasping for air. They all regroup at the center of the garage.  
“We need to move. It isn’t safe here anymore. We need to get out of bounds.”   
“Bounds? Like borders?” Clarke questions.  
“There is unclaimed land a couple days from here. No one steps foot over the boundary line. We’ll be safe there.” Lincoln informs as he tries to scout another exit.  
“What then? Once we get past, what’s gonna happen? We start over? We leave everything behind?” Clarke’s voice booms back.  
Lexa moves in front of her.  
“Listen to me. This isn’t forever. It’s just until everything and everyone calms down. The people will come to their senses. I will get you back to your mother and friends. I just need you to live until then. Can you do that?” Lexa smiles softly and Clarke nods.   
“I found a way out!” Lincoln shouts from the other side of the garage.  
Everyone met at a what seems like a less than spacious sewage tunnel.  
“Please don’t tell me-“  
“I’m sorry Clarke, it’s the only way we can travel undetected, for now.”  
Clarke looks down into the dark depths of the tunnel. There is no light, no sound, no nothing, just darkness. They just spent a good ten minutes in cramped hot cars, can’t imagine this would be step up. Clarke swallows her fears and moves to step in but Octavia beats her to it. She lowers herself into the tunnel, receiving looks from the group.  
“What? When you spend your life under floor boards, sewers don’t really sound that bad, at least you can move in here.”  
“I knew I liked this one.” Indra speaks up as she follows Octavia’s lead. One by one, everyone makes their way down into the tunnels and when Lincoln puts the cap over the entry point, they were met with a singular light at the end.  
“Well, if that isn’t a metaphor for our situation, I don’t know what is.” Octavia says.

Walking semi blindly, the group remains silent until they are met with the end of the tunnel. Lincoln removes the wire gate and met with a familiar greenery.  
“We head north until dusk, if we move fast enough, there’s a cave I know of that we can spend the night in.”  
“By the looks of it, we’re gonna need it.” Octavia agrees, pointing above to the brewing storm clouds.  
The group remains silent for the rest of the walk, Clarke and Lexa walk together, every so often stealing glances, brushes of the hands, shoulder bumps, it’s nice, even in the silence, so many words spoken.  
Unfortunately, due to water breaks, the group gets caught in the storm. Rain drenches them to the core. Lexa can see through the heavy rain drops that Clarke isn’t taking the rain so well. She quickly takes off her cloak and wraps it around Clarke’s shoulders.  
“What about you?”  
“Don’t worry about me, Clarke. I’ll be fine.”  
“Thank you.”  
Lexa smiles and nods.  
Walking for another hour, the sun begins to set as they reached the cave. Ducking in, the drips from their soaked clothes echo deep into the cavern.  
“Lexa and I will try to get some wood to get a fire going.”  
Clarke catches her wrist before she could step outside, handing her her cloak.  
“It’s okay, Clarke.” Lexa moves closer. “It looks better on you, anyway.”  
Clarke feels herself blush as Lexa gives her a smile as she and Lincoln move into the darkness of the forest.  
“Looks like everything is smooth sailing.” Octavia speaks up next to her.  
“I still don’t know what’s going on with her. I’m worried, I mean, god, we were trapped in a care together, hiding from people that want us dead. You’d think something like that would make her open up, but no. The entire walk was silence.” Clarke wrapped Lexa’s cloak tighter around her body.  
“She probably doesn’t even know what’s wrong with her, either. Just let her tell you in her own time. I’m sure it’s killing her not to.” Octavia places a comforting hand on Clarke’s shoulder.  
“It’s killing me too.”

“Where are they? They should've been back by now.” Clarke paces by the entry way.  
“It’s storming like crazy out there, kinda hard to find usable wood in that.” Octavia responds.  
“I don’t like this. I have a bad feeling.”  
“Relax, sky girl, the commander and Lincoln are more than capable of taking care of themselves.” Indra adds on.  
Just as Clarke was about to respond, Lincoln barges through the rain wall with Lexa in his arms. He sets her down at Clarke’s feet.  
She’s not moving.  
“Lincoln, what happened?” Clarke yells as she tries to wake the commander.  
“I don’t know, she was fine one moment and then the next she was shaking, fidgeting on the ground.”  
Clarke looks back down at Lexa, cupping her face gently.  
“Lexa, Come back.”  
“Screw it.”   
Octavia shoves her way past Clarke and rips Lexa’s sleeve open.   
“Oh my god.” Tears form in Clarke’s eyes as she traces the dark veins across Lexa’s beautiful skin.  
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”  
“She didn’t want you to worry.”  
“Too late for that now!”  
“1……34…12…30……18…” Lexa’s voice pierces Clarke’s ears.  
“Lexa?”   
Leaning in closer, Lexa begins to open her eyes. A shaky hand moves to gently caress Clarke’s face.  
“Clarke.”  
Everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief and steps away to give the two some space.  
“You scared me there for a minute.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
Of course Lexa would apologize for being sick.  
“Clarke, I’m scared.”  
“I’m going to fix you, ok?”  
She nods, curling further into the blonde. Clarke dips down, sinking to eye level with Lexa, intertwining their hands between them. The lighting reflects off of Lexa’s wet skin perfectly, outlining her god-like features. Without thinking, Clarke moves to press a light kiss to her forehead.  
“I’m going to fix you.”  
Their eyes close as they drift off to sleep. The black veins permanently burned into Clarke’s mind; a grim reminder that they are indeed, in deep shit.


	5. Chapter 5

Lexa woke to sun rays and birds chirping. Blinking rapidly to adjust to the light, she tries to lean up but a hand stops her.  
“Clarke? What happened?”  
Clarke says nothing as she hands Lexa a canister of water.  
“Why haven’t you told me?”  
Lexa swallows the water with a loud gulp. She leans up towards Clarke who’s eyes lock on to her scared arms.  
“I didn’t want to worry you.”  
“I was worried because you weren’t telling me anything.”  
“I’m sorry.”  
Clarke grabs hold of her hand, pushing up her sleeve, tracing the black veins with her index finger.  
“Does it hurt?”  
“Sometimes. When I sleep, they burn.”  
“Speaking of sleeping, you were talking in your sleep last night.”  
Lexa’s eyes snap up to Clarke.  
“What was I saying?”  
“My name, some numbers, then you started mumbling so I couldn’t make it out much.”  
Clarke watches Lexa’s face turn pale. She moves closer to put her arms around the unstable commander.  
“What’s happening to you?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“I do.”   
Lincoln steps into the cave, holding his book out for Clarke to take. With the hand that’s not holding Lexa against her, she takes it. Her eyes skim over the words, mumbling them off to herself as fast as she could.  
“The chip is causing this?”  
“It’s never happened before. I read some old books that I found but nothing in depth. They say that the flame can expel or deny the host, the commander. Either it was never meant to be or the commander is too strong for the flame itself and it’s fighting back.”  
“Fighting back?”  
“Lexa’s body is stronger than the flame. It’s trying to destroy it from the inside. It sees her and her body as a threat. Her immune system is breaking it and it’s contents are spreading to all points in her body.”  
“So what do we do? We can’t travel with her like this all the way to the border? And no, I’m not chancing it with Luna.”  
“The dropship.” Octavia pipes up.  
“There’s bound to be something sharp left in that thing. We can take her there and see what happens.”  
“How do we know that Pike and his dogs won’t be there?”   
“We don’t. We just have to see, otherwise, I don’t think commander here is gonna make it.”  
Clarke looks down at Lexa going in and out of sleep. Her skin is as pale as the moon and her body shakes as her body burns up.  
Clarke looks at Octavia and nods.   
“Indra and I will prepare something to move her.”  
Clarke nods again.  
“I’m fine to walk.” Lexa’s voice is shaky as well as her body as she tries to stand. She fails and falls back into Clarke’s arms.  
“The hell you are! Just for once please listen to me.” Clarke begs.  
Lexa nods and leans her entire body onto Clarke.   
This was going to be a long day.

It reaches high noon and Lexa’s condition fails to waiver. She wakes up for minutes only, then falls right back to sleep. Clarke cries that day, hidden, and only loud enough for her own ears to suffer the sadness.   
They stop for a water break and Clarke stops to wake her sleeping beauty.   
“Lexa…wake up.” Clarke moves a strand of her rich brown hair from her clammy face.  
“Are we there?” Lexa’s voice is hoarse and it makes Clarke’s heart sink.  
“Almost. A few more hours and we’ll get that stupid chip out of your beautiful head.”   
This earns a smile from the commander.  
“How are you feeling?” Clarke asks as she hands Lexa some water.  
“I’m fine.”  
“That’s bullshit but ok.”   
Lexa was about to speak when the group is greeted with shouting and guns pointed at their faces. Clarke gathers Lexa in her arms, pointing her gun right back.  
“Hold your fire!” A voice thunders from the brush.  
A figure moves through and forms into the character of Pike.  
“Pike?” Octavia questions.  
“Look, I don’t want to hurt my own, but if it’s necessary, then I guess I can make an exception.” His voice pierces their ears like a knife.  
“What do you want with us?” Clarke’s voice booms out.  
“I want what’s rightfully mine. You know this, Clarke.”  
“So you’re willing to team up with the very people you despise in order to get more land? Is that it?”  
“God no! I’m not with them. When we heard of the coup, we decided to take fate into our own hands. It’s simple really.” He points a gun towards Lexa. Clarke holds on to her harder and points her gun further.  
“Kill the commander, cause a war, win said war, get all the resources and land that we please.”  
“Go to hell, Pike.” Clarke cocks her gun.   
About to fire, Clarke hears more yelling in the distance.  
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” She breathes out.  
“We’ve got company.” Pike yells. All the gunman point their weapons towards the yelling.  
Clarke throws Lexa’s arm around her shoulder and picks her up.  
“You want a war, you got one.” Clarke barks as she runs past Pike.  
Lincoln falls back to throw Lexa’s other arm around his shoulder to pick her up in his arms, making the escape faster.   
As they run past the flying bullets, a figure passes Clarke’s vision.  
“Bellamy?”   
Bellamy’s eyes drift and lock on to Clarke. He stops firing. She stops running.  
“Clarke! We gotta move!” Octavia yells as she shoves her to move.  
Clarke, in somewhat of a daze, allows herself to be shoved hard enough to break into running, trusting her feet would bring her to safety. The gunfire around her muffled to low booms, voices sway in and out of her mind, fading frequencies. It’s all too much.  
Her mind running only with muscle memory, she smacks into Indra, who’s come to a halt.  
“Watch it, sky girl.”  
The mention of that name bring Clarke into the now, her surroundings crisp and clear. The distant yelling and gunfire still echo in her ears.   
“Why did we stop? We need to keep moving” Clarke says with labored breath.  
“We need to catch our breath.” Octavia responds.  
“Lexa barely has breath to catch. We need to keep moving.” Clarke bends down to check Lexa. Wiping damp hair and little sweat off of her face.  
“We’re almost there, just hang on, ok?”   
All Lexa could do is nod. Lincoln picks her up once more and begins to run again. The women followed suit, Clarke follows closer than the others.

I will fix you.

Dusk fell upon the group as they reached the metal fortress. The ash of the burned still remain, only in piles of dark soot and various bones. Welcome home.  
Clarke avoids the reminder as she walks towards the entrance of the ship, draping back the canvas door. Lincoln took the hint and proceeds to walk the commander inside with Indra and Octavia following closely behind.  
“Set her down over here.” Clarke points to the tabletop, the very tabletop that she fixed Finn on. How Ironic.  
Lexa’s breathing comes in only gasping breathes as Clarke stats to prep herself.  
“Lincoln, I need you and Indra to check the perimeter for warriors and Pike. Once it’s clear seal the door and get supplies from upstairs. Close the hatch when you’re done.” Lincoln nods and Indra follows his lead.  
“Octavia, you’re gonna help me remove the chip.”  
“You sure?”  
“You’re one of the few that I trust that won’t try to kill her.” Clarke says and she starts to remove Lexa’s cloak and gear.  
Octavia steps forward and sets the commander’s items out of the way, watching Clarke interact with Lexa.  
“Hey.” Clarke whispers leaning down close to Lexa.  
“If this doesn’t work, Clarke…”  
“It will work.” Tears once again begin to show.  
“If it doesn’t work, I need you to do something for me.”  
“Anything for you.” Clarke caresses her face.  
“I need you to kill me.”


	6. Chapter 6

Clarke steps back as her eyes furrow in confusion. Did she really just ask that? Octavia freezes and looks between the two.

“Clarke-“  
“No.” Clarke leans back in. “Don’t even think about it. I’m going to get that thing out of your head and you’ll be ok.”

Lexa softly smiles as she nods.

“It’s going to be fine.” Clarke whispers to herself.

She looks away from Lexa to Octavia.

“Lexa, I need you to turn on your side. Octavia, give her something to bite down on.” Octavia searches the room and settles on an old blanket. She rips a chunk off and hands it to Lexa. Clarke starts to sharpen a piece of metal from the old radio, cleaning it with leftover moonshine from Monty.

She clears Lexa’s hair from her neck.

“Hold her head down.” Octavia leans in, putting weight onto Lexa’s head and body.

Clarke readies the “knife” at the scar on Lexa’s neck.

“Here we go.”

Lexa puts the piece of blanket in her mouth and Octavia nods.

The knife slices through Lexa’s skin and there is nothing but screams.

  


Lexa’e eyes fly open as she sits up. Her hand flies to the back of her neck.

The chip is out.

Her heavy breathing fills the thick silence in the ship, slowly but surely it comes down to a normal pace. 

“Clarke? Octavia?” She asks out loud, noticing the two have disappeared. No answer. 

Sliding with caution off the table, she makes her way outside. She pulls back the tarp and her whole body freezes.

“Alie?”

The woman in the red dress smiles.

“Hello Lexa.”

  


“What’s happening?!” Octavia screams, trying to hold a thrashing Lexa.

“I don’t know!” Clarke yells back through tears as she presses a cloth to the back of Lexa’s bleeding neck.

“Do something!”

Lincoln bolts through the entrance, stopping to witness the seizing commander and the two frightened women trying to hold her down. He runs to Octavia’s side, pinning Lexa down with more force.

“Go stand watch with Indra. I got this.”

Octavia nods and rushes out the doorway.

“What happened?” Lincoln asks.

“I don’t know! All I did was slice her scar open then she just started to seize up on me.”

“The flame is in extreme sensitivity, any change in environment could throw it off, including more oxygen from an open wound.”

Clarke looks down at Lexa, eyes closed but her thrashing slows to a halt.

“Eventually the flame will adapt and return to normal.” He breathes out. 

“How the hell am I going to get the chip out of her head, then?!” 

Lincoln positions Lexa again, pulling back her hair once more.

“Very carefully.”

  


“Why are you here, Alie?” Lexa seethes through her teeth.

“You have become a problem for me in the past weeks, commander.”

“In what way?”

Alie takes steps forward, Lexa backs up onto the ship ramp.

“You’re too strong. The chip is too much for your body and to put it simply: you’re a threat to the system. We knew you would fight back eventually so we’d figure one last favor out of you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Those numbers? The dreams? They weren’t just nightmares of your own imagination, it was memory implantation. We need one last thing from you.”

“What is that?”

“Launch the last of the Mt. Weather missiles.”

  


“Lincoln, she’s burning.” Clarke rests the back of her hand on Lexa’s sweaty forehead.

“Work faster, her body is trying to fight back the flame’s venom.”

Clarke tries again to open the wound, and again Lexa begins to seize.

  


“The mountain is destroyed, along with it’s weaponry.” Lexa spits back.

“On the contrary, not all of it. The mountain people kept few missiles in case of…emergencies. All we need from you is to launch them.”

“Those weapons would cause another war, killing millions, maybe even more.”

“Sad, but necessary.”

Lexa pushes past Alie.

“No.”

Alie turns to Lexa, her hands still remain folded at her stomach.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this.”

Lexa drops to the ground, pain flows throughout her body.

  


“She’s too strong. I can’t hold her.” Lincoln yells.

He and Clarke lose their grip and Lexa flies off the table into a defensive fighting stance.

Clarke puts her hand up as defense as well.

“Lexa?”

Lexa’s body straightens up and her head tilts ever so slightly.

“Poor Clarke, the mess you’ve made. Such a tragedy.”

Clarke’s eyes grow wider.

_I know that voice._

“Alie?”

  


“Get out of my body.”

“You’re not seeing the big picture, Lexa. Wiping the earth, starting new is what this world needs.”

Lexa’s face turns a shade redder as she tries to fight the pain.

“Everyone will die.”

Alie leans down to face Lexa.

“Not the ones who matter.”

  


“Lexa, it’s Clarke.”

“Clarke, yes. Lexa has fond memories of you inside this mind of hers. Sad ones too.”

“Get out of her head.”

“I wish I could, but seeing as our commander is not cooperating, it seems less likely.”

  


“The nightmares will stop. The pain will stop, only if you do as I ask.”

Another wave of pain shoots through the commander, flipping her on her back.

Alie grabs Lexa’s face and leans closer.

“I will haunt you until your last breath, Heda.”

  


Clarke looks between Lincoln, some leftover seatbelt rope and Lexa. Lincoln quickly nods.

Clarke and Lincoln grab the ends of the rope, chasing at Lexa, effectively pinning her to the wall.

“Tie her hands.”

Lincoln wraps another piece of seatbelt around Lexa’s wrists. 

“You’ll never get her back.”

Clarke looks into Lexa’s eyes and there is nothing. Lexa isn’t there.

  


“I am more than happy to let you go.”

Lexa says nothing, only manages to spit at Alie’s feet.

Alie rises from her place.

“Five simple numbers. That is worth dying for?”

“If it’s worth saving my people.” Lexa says through her teeth.

Another wave of pain rips through her body. Her eyes fall to her arm to watch her veins pop with black blood.

“As you wish.”

  


“Lexa, please!” Clarke screams.

Lexa screams bloody murder as her veins turn black. Clarke’s eyes almost pop out of her head.

“Lincoln.” Her voice is nothing but a squeak.

“Lexa will die tonight because of her stubbornness.” Ali speaks through Lexa.

Lexa breaks Clarke’s grip, flying her back. Her other arm shakes free of Lincoln, knocking him unconscious against the wall.

Lexa flips the door switch, enclosing her and Clarke in the ship. She approaches the blonde on the floor. Clarke tries to move back but her back meets the wall. Lexa leans down and caresses

Clarke’s cheek. Tears brim in her angry eyes. Lexa lifts her chin with a finger and smiles. Lexa isn’t in control anymore.

“I’m going to enjoy this.”


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke’s screams echo off the wall as Alie slices into her bicep.

“I’m getting impatient, Clarke. Tell Lexa to give me the missile code.”

Clarke’s bloody mouth turns to a tired grin. She spits at her feet.

“Go to hell, Alie.”

Alie takes a deep breath in, ignoring the relentless pounding at the door. She walks around to the table, looking at the black blood that still remains from the initial cut.

 

_oh no. Lexa’s neck._

 

Clarke focuses on Lexa’s neck to see a stream of black blood running down her shirt. She didn’t stop the bleeding. She strains against the seatbelt ties. Alie turns and cocks to her head to the side. She picks up the end of another seatbelt.

“Shall we try again?”

 

———

 

“Lay one more finger on her and I will kill you.” Lexa spits out.

“Seeing as that no one is giving me what I want, I have no other choice.” Alie replies as she turns away from Lexa.

Lexa’s face hardens. She rises from her place on the ground, grabbing a rock as she does. Lexa aims for the back of Alie’s head, lunging forward, but her body jolts right through Alie. Hologram…great.

“You really think I would actually be that stupid?” Alie’s body unmoved from her position.

“Enough of this!” Her grip on the rock tightens. 

“Let Clarke go! She had nothing to do with this, any of this!”

“I will stop when you give me that code.”

She wasn’t getting anywhere with her. Both stand in silence for a moment. Lexa’s labored breath is the only noise between the two. Her mind going crazy as to how to get control over her own self again.

Control.

_That’s it._

Lexa’s eyes widen. 

Lexa races for the drop ship. Just as she was about to enter, her vision goes blurry and her lightheadedness forces her to her knees. Her body feels weak and she feels sick, like pass-out-maybe-throw-up kind of sick. She feels a warm liquid run down her back, reaching for the base of her neck, pulling her hand back, her fingers coated with black blood.

_The cut._

She begins to ascend to her feet, grabbing on anything to move her forward. Looking back, Alie isn’t there.

Lexa pushes through the tarp and into the ship. She doesn’t know how long Alie will be gone for, or where she went or why she disappeared, but she would figure to ask questions later. 

If there is a later.

She looks around the room, finding some cloth to hold at the base of her neck while she tries to think of how she can, in so many words, wake herself up out of this nightmare.

“Of all the times to not have you here, ai hodnes.”

 

——————

 

The screaming has stopped, only labored breathes coming from the blonde as she notices “Alie” just standing there.

“What, you ran out of energy?” Clarke spits out.

Her face covered on bruises and scratches, her blood runs down her arms and torso. She looks down at the mess Alie made of her, and it makes her sick. She imagines that Lexa will think this is her fault and that hurts her more than the wounds.

All of the sudden, Lexa’s body drops. Her eyes close and Clarke panics.

“Lincoln!” She screams.

Multiple bangs come from above her as Lincoln tries again and again to take the hatch out by force. Clarke’s eyes move between the banging above her and the unmoving Lexa at her feet. Black blood starts to run like a river from her neck and Clarke strains against the ties. 

After what left like an eternity, Lincoln busts through the hatch. He makes his way down and quickly unties her.

Clarke frantically grabs a cloth and presses it to Lexa’s neck. She puts her two fingers under Lexa’s chin. She’s more than pale.

“Her heartbeat is weak.”

“She not fighting back, maybe she fought off Alie.” Clarke says.

“Alie wouldn’t give up that easy. No, this isn’t right.”

“I don’t care if it’s right. She’s not fighting. I’m getting that chip to of her head, with or without your help.”

Lincoln stares into the desperate eyes and all he can do is nod. He pushes Lexa’s hair out of the way while grabbing the knife from before.

“This is my Heda, Clarke. Please, be careful.”

“This is the love of my life, Lincoln. Trust me.”

Her eyes never leave Lexa’s neck. She presses the knife deeper, effectively opening the rest of the wound. Clarke freezes, Lexa doesn’t move, and Lincoln breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Wasn’t so bad.” Clarke says and she gives a small smile to Lincoln.

“That was the easy part.”

The smiles disappears.

 

—————

 

Lexa wobbles around the room, every square inch is one foreign object after another. Her place is in the old worn and torn but strong and stoic of Polis, not some new age shiny spaceship. Her vision continues to throw her off and she reaches for different objects. The pain at her neck is increasing with every move she makes. She begins to sweat and shake.

_Well, that’s not good._

Her arms feel an instant pressure and it’s enough for her to look down an notice her arms. Black, her veins pop out against the light tone of her skin. Lexa suddenly feels out of control of her body, as if someone jumped into it. She tries to fight it off, but this is a whole new level of pain.

Alie appears on the other side of the room. Cold eyed and unmoving as ever.

“If physical pain won’t make you comply, perhaps you need more of an incentive.”

—————

 

Clarke’s hands are coated with Lexa’s blood as she begins to detach each individual strand of cord from the flame from Lexa.

“These are complex spirits, Clarke, one wrong move and it sends a poison through her system.”

“No pressure.” Clarke, opens the cut wider, revealing the flame. Clarke swallows hard.

“Here we go….again.”

 

—————

 

Lexa’s eyes dart to every corner of the dropship, attempting to find _something_ familiar to her. Her and Alie stand at opposite ends, Lexa not moving in fear what’s to come.

“All this time, I’ve thrown every psychical pain that I could think of and I can see why we chose you. You’re strong physically, I’ll give you that, but how is your mental strength.”

A wave of images runs through Lexa’s mind. They’re of Clarke. Her screaming. Crying. Bleeding. It’s killing her.

Then comes the memories, of them laughing, conversing, and just being in another’s company. Clarke’s smile radiates in her mind, her laugh and the sound of her voice like a melody to her. It’s breaks her heart ever so slowly. 

“I will kill this woman. I will kill her in the slowest and most painful way.”

Lexa lunges for the woman, but she goes right through her, as if she didn’t try the first time.

“Get out of my head!”

“You love her so much, end this and give me what I want.”

Lexa’s eyes catch a shiny metal rod at the edge of the table, the light from the ship reflects off and shines in her eyes. She knows that weapon. She knows how it brought Lincoln back to life. She knows.

Instead of trying to get at Alie again, she goes for the object, once in hand, she pushes the bottom button and volts of electricity come spurting out.

She knows.

“Lexa, put it down.” Alie’s voice now cautious instead of her demanding tone.

Lexa smiles. Now they’re getting somewhere.

 

—————

 

Clarke removes the first two strands and everything is going well…so far.

“I see the way she looks at you, Clarke.”

Clarke looks up, a small smile from Lincoln.

“She cares for you a great deal.”

“Is that why she didn’t tell me?”

“Yes.” He answers bluntly.

“I could’ve-“

“No, Clarke. This was her fight and hers alone. The connection between the Flame and Heda is unlike any other. No can break the bond except Heda. She didn’t want to burden you with a problem you could never fix.”

“Until now.” Clarke whispers.

“Until now.”

Clarke separates the second to last strand and lets out a long exhale. 

One more.

 

—————

 

“I will do it.”

“You don’t know what you’re doing. Those codes can rid this world of everything that taints it. Those men who are hunting you, gone. The war between your people and Clarke’s gone.”

“The people that I have fought so hard for, including Clarke, gone.” Lexa retorts.

“Enough!” Ali yells. Lexa is taken aback by the force of her tone.

“Yes.” Lexa says, looking down at the spear. 

“Enough.” 

The second Lexa says those words, she impales herself with the spear, pushing the button, sending the electric current running through her. Alie’s screaming is droned out by the pain, still holding the spear to her, letting it work it’s way through her whole body. Her mind is screaming for her to stop but she can’t. She thinks about how Lincoln was brought back to his love with it, how happy he was to be with Octavia, how her smile of relief made her feel, like she just witnessed what true love was. She needed it, as much as she denies it, she needs it, and damnit, if Lincoln can come back from the dead, then so can she.

 

—————

 

The flame detaches itself from Lexa, and the once bright chip slowly fades it’s color. Clarke tosses it across the room, placing a cloth to Lexa’s neck. 

She did it.

“Find me string, something thin. Anything. And alcohol.”

Lincoln rushes everywhere, tossing everything to find something to close the gaping wound.

Clarke looks down at Lexa, sweat sticks to her forehead as her eyes move rapidly underneath her eyelids, but she’s not attacking, she’s not seizing, and she doesn’t have the chip. 

One small victory at a time.

Lincoln comes back with some fine string and a needle.

“Where in the hell did you manage to find a needle and string exactly for this type of job?”

He pulls out a bag. The lettering reads the words “Sewing Kit”.

Of course.

Clarke pushes Lexa onto her stomach slightly so Lincoln can hold her and that she can begin to do her work.

She dips the needle in the alcohol and starts to thread it though, over and over and over again until she ties a knot and the bleeding stops.

“Done.” She wipes her forehead with her blood soaked hands tosses the needle into the bag again. Lincoln places Lexa into Clarke’s lap as he begins to set up a makeshift bed.

Clarke moves a strand of hair from Lexa’s face. 

_Still so beautiful._

She places a kiss to her lips before Lincoln takes her to settle her against the wall.

“Now we wait.” Lincoln says.

“Now we wait.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I really suck at updating, but I'm back! 
> 
> Please enjoy and as always your comments are always read and appreciated. Tell me what you like, what you think I should explore or things that you don't like. I wanna know!
> 
> Enjoy!

Lexa woke with a rush of air to her lungs as she jolts awake. Hands are on her shoulders pushing her to lay down as her vision becomes less and less cloudy.

_Clarke._

Lexa smiles as her body comes down from the initial shock.

“Welcome back.” Clarke whispers, her hand traces a line down Lexa’s cheek. Lexa closes her eyes and welcomes the warmth of the touch.

“I’d thought I’d never see you again.” Lexa’s voice is hoarse but understandable. 

“Shhh.” Clarke presses a fingertip to her lips. 

Clarke moves in, replacing her fingertip with her lips, engulfing Lexa’s with hers. The kiss is salty and wet. Tears flowing freely between the two, but neither seems to care. The separate for air as Clarke leans her forehead against Lexa’s.

“You came back to me. That’s all that matters.”

“What about-“

“There was an ambush. Pike had us cornered then grounders came in, thank god, and we slipped out.”

Lexa takes a moment to take it all in, remembering that her own are hunting her, wanting her dead. Lexa pushes herself up, but Clarke stops her with a hand to her stomach. The pressure makes Lexa flinch and Clarke immediately retracts her hand. Looking at Lexa, then down to her stomach, Lexa lays back down, silently nodding. Clarke lifts her shirt slowly, Lexa flinching a couple more times before she sees it. It’s black and blue marks burn into Clarke’s eyes. Before her, taking up all space on Lexa’s stomach, is an electric bruise. The center point more black than anything. The electric current strings sprawl in every direction. 

“My god.” Clarke whispers.

“How the hell did this happen?” 

Lexa is lost for words, it was a dream, a hallucination, a figment of her imagination. No way it was real.

“It was supposed to be a dream. It couldn’t have been real.” 

“What couldn’t?” Clarke asks.

“Alie. She was in my mind. She wanted the missile codes for the mountain-“

“But the mountain has no other weapons.”

“So we thought. Alie wanted these numbers, the code, to launch them, wiping out the earth to start fresh.” 

Clarke stays silent.

“After I refused, she threatened, beat, and tortured me. She said she would’ve killed you if I didn’t.”

Lexa’s eyes drifts from Clarke’s to finally get a good look at all of her. Covered in blood from multiple wounds, Lexa’s hand skims over her arm.

“She was very persistent.” Clarke adds.

“I tried to fight her, Clarke. I tried so hard but she invaded my mind, torturing me with my own memories. I didn’t know what to do but when I thought I was as good as dead, I remembered what you did to Lincoln. I saw the spear and plunged it into my stomach. Everything went dark for a while then all the sudden I’m back here.”

Lexa’s hands move cautiously over the various cuts and bruises that taint Clarke’s skin. Tears gather in her eyes as she does; her vision blurring. She can't take it anymore. 

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. I need meant to hurt you. It was Alie. She made me do it. I didn’t know, Clarke, I didn't know.”

Clarke rests Lexa’s head against her shoulder, holding the once stoic commander, watching her facade collapse right before her eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” Lexa cries into her shirt.

“Shh. It’s ok. It’s ok.” Now Clarke begins to cry as well. 

Lexa picks her head up, watching a single tear stream down Clarke’s cheek. 

“Clarke, I-“

Lexa gets cut off short by Lincoln bombarding his way in. He stops in his tracks when his eyes fall onto the commander. He bows his head quickly.

“You’re awake.” 

“You seem surprised.” Lexa laughs, touching the back of her neck. The foreign feeling of the stitching sends chills down her spine.

Clarke starts to explain but Lexa shakes her head, not wanting to know the gruesome details.

“Heda, Indra and Octavia have scouted a mile out and Pike has set up camp, and the other direction, grounders.”

Lexa grits her teeth and attempts to stand. She manages to get to her knees when her breath leaves her gasping for air and her body aching.

“Lexa, you’re too weak.”

“Those traitors deserve to die.” Lexa grits through her teeth.

Clarke tries to put her back down but Lexa shakes her head, pushing herself even more. 

“Take me outside.” 

Against her own wishes, she throws Lexa’s arm around her shoulder and they wobble outside. They up with Indra and Octavia. Their attention immediately on the not-so-dead commander.

“Heda.” Indra says, bowing her head. 

“How many?”

Indra picks her head up, her brow furrows. Lexa understands her silent confusion.

“How many men were there? At the camps?”

Indra straightens herself out.

“200 at least. 100 within each camp.”

Lexa’s head drops. 

Clarke lets out a sigh. 

“We’re not getting to Luna, are we?” 

Octavia locks eyes with Clarke, shaking her head.

 

Shit.

 

Nighttime falls upon the group as they huddle themselves in the drop ship. They drape themselves in anything they can find since a fire was way out of the question. Lexa and Clarke huddle together in a back corner while Lincoln, Octavia, and Indra situate themselves on each side of the door. 

Lexa is fast asleep, snuggled into Clarke’s side, finally submitting to the tiredness from dealing with her injuries throughout the day.Clarke moves a strand of hair out of her face, admiring the steady up and down motion of the commander’s chest, indulging in the fact that she’s still with her. 

Octavia gets up and makes her way towards Clarke, handing her a clear bottle. Clarke gives her skeptical eyes but Octavia pushes. Clarke grabs the bottle, downing the liquid quickly, trying to suppress a cough. 

“Monty had a secret stash of his moonshine, figured you could use some.” Octavia whispers.

“Thanks.” Clarke smiles.

“We have to move soon. Those camps will search this place with a fine tooth comb, you know that.”

“I do.”

“Then you agree we have to get out of here.”

Clarke takes another chug of moonshine.

“It’s not that I don’t want to leave, trust me, this place has too much baggage to call home, but Lexa is too weak. At least a couple more days. Even then, it’s pushing it.”

“What if the grounders decide to come looking before those couple days are up? Even worse, what about Pike? They’re the ones with the guns.”

“We’ll fight back.” Clarke quickly answers.

“You think you stand a chance against those guns?”

“No, but for her, I might as well try.”

“You’re willing to risk not only you’re life, but ours too on that chance?” 

Clarke shoots her a look. How can she question that? Lexa means as much to Lincoln as she does to Indra. 

“They would give their lives for their commander and you know that.”

“I’m not saying that they wouldn’t, I’m just worried that-“

“We’re not leaving.” Clarke snaps quietly.

“We are outnumbered 100 to 4, Clarke! We are going to die here unless we move. I’m afraid that if we stay here too long, they’ll find us and kill us.”

Clarke says nothing.

“We’ve already been here too long. We need to move. We’ll carry her like last time. Clarke, please. Think of Lexa.”

“I am thinking of Lexa.”

“Then you know in your heart that every second we stay here, we put ourselves in more danger. Pike and our people know of this place.”

“I know.”

“If you truly love her, you have to take risks, including this one. I’d rather carry her ass through the forest than a bullet flying through my body.” Octavia takes a breath.

“I’m only thinking of what’s best for all of us. We need to get to Luna, stop this madness and end this war from becoming a mass extinction.”

Clarke takes this all in. She knows what Octavia is saying is true. Each second they stay there, it’s like painting a red target on their backs, but she can’t help to think of Lexa. She’s so weak as she is and moving her could potentially make things worse. Each side poses different threats and dangers but Clarke knows that she has to decide. She has to risk it either way. 

She lets out a puff of air, slides out from under Lexa, setting her down gently. She makes her away around the room, grabbing any supplies she deems useful and stuffing it into a bag. 

Without another word, Octavia grabs another bag and begins to do the same, internally slapping herself. Was this the right choice? Did pushing Clarke to leave make the situation worse? Will they get caught? They could die there but what if they didn’t come for another couple of days? Did she just talk her way into a death sentence?

 

Sometimes Octavia really wishes she can just keep her mouth shut.


	9. Chapter 9

Early morning rain drenches through their clothes and into their skin as they move amongst the brush. 

“Is she ok?” Octavia whispers to back to Clarke.

Clarke looks to Lexa, her arm around Clarke’s neck. 

“I’m fine, Octavia.” Lexa whispers back.

Octavia continues to walk through the wet mush when twigs snap a few feet before them, effectively halting her in her path. She motions for the group to crouch down, slamming themselves into the mud.

Clarke presses Lexa against a nearby tree, slowly peeking behind it too look out to the field that lays before them. Clarke looks harder, the rain sliding down her face. She notices parts of the brush shift and shake. She leans further in but Lexa grabs the front of her jacket. 

“Octavia.” Lexa whispers, motioning towards Clarke.

Octavia, as well Lincoln and Indra, hone in onto the space before Clarke.

More brush shakes and a figure emerges. Clarke’s face turns a new level of pale.

Pike.

Clarke shifts back, shielding herself behind the same tree as Lexa. Lincoln, Indra, and Octavia hit the ground, only peering just above the brush. More figures appear as they walk up a hill. Their guns glisten as the rain pings off of them. Clarke locks eyes with Octavia and she shakes her head, holding up a gun signal with her fingers. Clarke hits her head against the trunk. 

“I want every inch of this brush searched!” Pike screams into the air.

“What do we do?” Octavia whispers.

“We fight.” Lexa says as she unsheathes her dagger.

“We can’t fight 40 men with guns with a fucking dagger!” Octavia counters.

Clarke looks back once again, sad to see that Octavia is right. She grabs her bag and rips it open.

“If we can’t fight them, we’ll distract them.” She says as she takes out a tin can.

“Oh shit, is that-“ 

“The last one Raven made.”

“Clarke, what is that?” Lincoln asks.

“Distraction.” She tapes shut the top and cocks her gun.

“When I say go, you take Lexa and run towards that drop-off-“ She points to the right of them. 

“There’s a river down there and a cave where you can take cover. You run like hell and don’t stop until you’re down there.”

Lincoln and Octavia takes each side of Lexa but before Lincoln can take her arm, Lexa grabs Clarke’s bicep.

“Clarke-“

“I’m right behind you.” Clarke smiles quickly, pulling her in for a quick kiss before shoving her to Lincoln.

She lets out a long breath before she nods. Clarke rolls the can a few feet in front of her before firing, letting the explosion engulf the space around them. Rapid fire sounds off in every direction. 

“Go!” Clarke screams, firing back at the group, trying her best to ignore the ringing in her ear. 

Lincoln, Indra, Octavia, and Lexa sprint to the edge, stopping just short of the cliff. Lexa looking back, watching Clarke, a few feet behind, firing into the inferno. 

“We have to go, now Heda!” Indra yells.

“We can’t let them get you!” 

“They want us both.”

The shooting gets closer, Clarke continues to shuffle back.

“She’s gonna kill me if you die.” Octavia says.

“Forgive me, Lexa”

Octavia unwraps Lexa’s arm from her and pushes her off the cliff, following her short after. Indra follows but Lincoln remains. He witnesses three men emerge from the fire, guns pointed to Clarke. Clarke fires again, a body drops. More guns surround her. Lincoln watches Clarke pull the trigger again and again, nothing but soft clicks. His heart drops.

They shoot Clarke in the knee and she screams out. The gun is kicked out of her hand and she drops to the ground. A foot kicks her down and around, flipping her on her stomach. Clarke shakes as she pushes herself up, just in time to see Lincoln looking back at the scene.

“Go.” She whispers before a foot knocks her unconscious.

Lincoln doesn’t take another second and jumps off the cliff, landing in the waters. He emerges and swims over to where Indra and Octavia are helping Lexa regain herself. They all look in his direction.

“Lincoln, where’s-“

He shakes his head, effectively cutting Octavia off.

“Is the sky girl-“

“No.” He finishes Indra’s sentence.

He locks eyes with Lexa.

“I’m sorry, Heda.”

Lexa drops her head, preparing for his words.

“They have her.”

 

—————

 

“We have to go back.” Lexa demands.

“You’re too weak.”

“Don’t tell me what I am Octavia!”

“Heda, she’s right, you can’t even walk on your own.” Indra says, backing up Octavia.

“I don’t care.”

“You must! Heda is of the most importance in our culture! Azgeda and Skaikru want to destroy that culture and turn it into chaos. If people get word of your death, you will be giving them what they want and the world you have built will all have been for nothing.”

“My world will be all for nothing if I don’t have Clarke!” Lexa snaps back.

Lexa uses the wall to as a crutch as she wobbles to her feet.

“If you won’t go after her, then I will go alone.”

“Lexa, that’s ridiculous, we're not leaving you.”

Lexa walks over to Octavia, losing her footing, dropping into Octavia’s arms, letting her frustrations out.

“I can’t lose her, Octavia.” Lexa confesses through tears. 

Octavia drops to her level, her arms holding Lexa up.

“We’ll get her back, I promise, but I need you to rest and regain your strength. We need our Heda back and that’s not going to happen if you push yourself when you’re not ready.” 

Lexa accepts her words and uses her to get to her feet.

“Let’s go, we need to move.”

Indra looks just outside the cave, making sure they weren’t followed.

“Clear.”

Indra comes back to take Lexa up the hill. 

“We are walking into a trap, I hope you know this.” Indra huffs.

“Maybe, maybe so.”

Indra gives Lexa a look.

“It’s Clarke, Indra, what did you expect?” Octavia says from the front of the group.

They work their way up the hill, eyes on full alert for any stray members of Skaikru. Lexa continues to use Indra as a crutch, not even paying attention to where she walks. Images of Clarke flash through Lexa’s mind, her face, her laugh, her touch all come back full force. Lexa suppresses her tears, masking her fear under her Heda facade. 

 

_I will see you soon, ai hodnes._


	10. Chapter 10

Cold water splashes over Clarke, waking her harshly. She tries to regain her breath as she is suddenly aware of the damp darkness that surrounds her.

“She’s up!” A distorted voice calls out. 

She can see movement but all of it’s a blur. She tries to blink away the fuzziness, pulling her vision into focus.

“Morning, sunshine.”

Pike.

She spits in his face.

“Apparently not.”

A sudden blast of water slams into her stomach, causing her to scream out. As soon as it starts, it ends.

“You good.” He leans in closer.

“Fuck you.”

“Language.”

Another blast of water. 

Pike grabs a fistful of her hair, pulling her head back, forcing her to look at him.

“You gonna stop throwing a temper tantrum?”

She keeps her mouth shut. He lets go of her hair and her head feels the force of gravity and drops. She sees sweat mixed with water drip from her nose onto the floor under her. Her feet barely touch the cool, smooth surface. Smooth. The floor is smooth, as if someone laid it out. She picks her head up, the walls lined with cages and technology. She takes sight of her arms. They’re tied above her head from the ceiling.

Oh no.

“You know where you are?” Pike questions.

“Mt. Weather is off limits.” She musters the strength to speak.

“We’re in a race for the finish line. Everything is within limitations.”

“Race? What the hell are you talking about?”

“The race for the commander and well, you. We can’t kill just one of you, the other will just throw a fit and make things harder for the rest of us, and that’s no fun.”

“You’re a sick bastard, you know that.”

“And you’re in over your head. You really think your precious commander is going to risk her skin for a girl from the sky that she’s only known for, what, a couple months?”

“You know nothing of what she feels.”

“I do know that she’s constantly thinking about the bigger picture. Her people, they come first, not you. You’re just some teenager who thinks that all people are good.”

“Not all people.” Clarke gives Pike a death stare.

“Now that’s the truth.”

Pike steps closer, effector invading her space.

“Where’s the commander, Clarke?”

“Why in the _fuck_ would I tell you?”

“You want your people safe. Same as I do. We’re on the same side. It’s these savages who are the problem. Their ways are different, they’re weak. You and I could take this land right from under them.”

Clarke remains silent, then begins to laugh. Pike, seething through his teeth, lands a punch right to her face, causing her head to fly back. She continues to laugh as her teeth are coated with a light layer of blood.

“You…are so…screwed.” She spits out excess blood.

“Maybe, maybe not, but you are going to tell us where your girlfriend is, even if I have to take certain measures, but hopefully it won’t come to that.”

Pike grabs a syringe off a tiny plate, sticking it into Clarke’s arm. Her eyes begin to droop and her vision becomes dark and blurry.

“Sleep well, Griffin. We have a lot to talk about.”

With that, Clarke’s eyes give up and give in to the drug, effectively knocking her out.

 

—————

 

The air is silent as Lexa leads the group through the thick brush of the forest. Sweat drips from her brow as she takes slice after slice, carving a way through.

“Are you that’s a good idea? I mean, Pike’s people and Azgeda will know the path to the mountain.” Lincoln pipes up.

Lexa remains silent as she takes another whack at the branches. She cuts through to reveal an old abandoned sewer drain.

“We’ll stay here for the night.” Lexa monotone claims as she pushes aside the cover, allowing the rest to climb in. She moves the cover behind her and motions for everyone to move back into the sewer. They all finally take a seat, Indra and Lexa on one side, Lincoln and Octavia on the other. They sit in silence, letting their bodies relax for the time being, taking in what the day has brought. 

“I’ll take first watch.” Indra volunteers, leaving the trio in the drip drop sounds of the sewer.

“We should get some rest.” Lexa suggests.

Octavia and Lincoln agree, not daring to protest. 

Lexa closes her eyes and prays that she’ll wake up from this nightmare.

 

—————

 

Lexa wakes up to the sounds of screaming.

“Lexa!”

She immediately sits up.

“Hello?” 

Completely disorientated by her surroundings, she begins to feel her way through the darkness surrounding her.

“Lexa!” Her pace begins to quicken as she sees a bright light behind a door. She sprints to it and flings it open. All the blood drains from her face.

There, at her feet, is Clarke. Blood covers her arms stomach and legs. Scratches and cuts are abundant on her skin. Sweat drips from her pale face as her hand reaches for Lexa. It takes Lexa .5 seconds to get at her side.

“You left me.” 

“What? No! Clarke, I’d never leave you.”

“They killed me, Lexa. They tortured and killed me.”

Clarke traces Lexa’s jaw with her bloody finger, catching a few stray tears as she does.

“And now they’re coming for you.”

Clarke presses her hand into Lexa’s chest, the sheer force of it stopping her heart.

 

—————

 

Lexa gasps for air as she jolts awake. Once she catches her breath, she notices Octavia, Lincoln, and Indra surrounding her. Morning daylight streams in through the sewer bars.

She pats Octavia’s shoulder.

“Nightmare.”

“We’re gonna get her back.”

All she can muster is a head nod as she gets up, sheathes her sword and makes her way to the sewer opening.

“Lincoln.” She calls to him.

“You were the last one to see the men that took her, would you be able to point them out.”

“Yes, why?”

“Just focus on their faces until we get there.” 

She and Indra push the cover aside as, one by one, they leap out.

“The mountain is only a couple miles from here, we can get there by dark if we’re fast enough.” Octavia points out, pinning the mountain door with her finger. Lexa begins to walk in the direction without another word.

“We’re fast enough.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smug Clarke when in danger and pissed off Lexa is so much fun to write!  
> Let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

“Rise and shine.”

An onslaught of ice cold water splashes onto Clarke, violently shaking her awake. Small cuts slice her skin from the jagged pieces of ice. 

“You ready to talk?” Pike crosses his arms as he leans against the wall.

Clarke remains silent, the drip drop of the water from her skin down to the floor echoes throughout the room.

“Look, this is going to go one of two ways. Your Commander girlfriend is gonna come in here all hot headed, and in the process of saving you, she gets killed. Or, you can tell me where she is and we can end this whole thing right now and you can get out of this clean and clear, I’ll even unburden you with watching her die. Your choice. I’m not opposed to a challenge, you know I love a good fight, but I’m tired of this shit.”

“Go to hell.”

He punches her in the gut.

“You know, the more you say that, surprisingly, doesn’t make me any less pissed. Your girlfriend is going to get here and she’s going to die. Whether it’s going to be quick or painstakingly slow is up to you.”

Clarke remains silent. Her dagger eyes bore into his. He leans in closer, close enough for Clarke to watch beads of sweat run down from the corner of his brow.

“The world is dying, Clarke. Anarchy is the only way to restore order. These people, this Commander, they infected your mind-“

He pushes his finger into her forehead, she shakes it off.

“They planted this idea that we could live together in peace but there is no such thing. There never was and there never will be.”

“You’re wrong.”

He straightens out, looming over her.

“I gave you a chance to be on the right side of this war but I can see that you can’t be saved. You and your savage girlfriend are going to die, along with the rest of your people, and I’m going to take this world for the greater good, greater for my people!” 

He turns and leaves, the door slamming behind him. Clarke’s head drops, her tears mixing with the leftover droplets of water.

 

—————

Lincoln holds up a fist, halting the line. He peeks out from the brush to see several guards at the gate, guns at the ready. 

“Ten of them. They’re armed pretty heavily.”

“There is a war going on, makes sense.” Octavia whispers to him.

“Is what about the tunnels? We take out the lights and make our way through the back.”

“Do you think there will less protection?” 

“We can only hope. All I know is that we aren’t getting through the front.”

They all silently agree and make their way towards the back tunnels. They are met with only two guards.

“Octavia, with me.” Lexa whispers to her, unsheathing one of her dagger ever so silently. 

The guards turn their backs and the women take that chance and muffle their mouths as they slit the throats nice and quick. They guide the bodies to the ground as Lincoln and Indra join them.

Lexa grabs a gun and throws it towards Lincoln. “We’re going to need them.”

Octavia grabs the other gun, sheathing her knife, following Lexa down the tunnel, taking out the lights as they get closer to the door.

 

—————

 

“Sir.” A soldier calls out in the command center to Pike. He points to the main screen.

“Sir, it’s them, those savages.”

‘I’m aware.”

“Orders, Sir?”

Pike’s jaw clenches. 

“Go get ‘em.”

The center comes alive with orders shouting across from wall to wall, guns being tossed and passed as they exit towards the tunnels.

 

—————

 

The last light is taken out when the a siren goes off and the tunnel is flooded with a single red light.

“They know we’re here.” Indra yells.

Lexa takes the gun from Lincoln’s grasp and shoots the keypad, pulling the door open. 

“Yeah, ok.” Octavia breathes out as she follows Lexa in with Indra and Lincoln following closely behind.

The door slams shut and their world goes silent. The halls are empty, the red lights paints everything and the only sounds besides their own breathing, is the relentless sound of the siren. Lexa and Octavia lead with guns at the ready and eyes forward.

“When did you know how to handle a gun?” Octavia asks.

A soldier comes at Lexa from the side, a single shot rings out and the body drops.

“Clarke. She wanted me to learn, just in case.”

“Smart girl.” Octavia comments as she fires a couple bullets into two soldiers coming at her from her side.

“Where would they keep a prisoner here?”

“There’s no prisons.”

Indra tackles a guy, throwing his gun away, thrusting her sword into his stomach.

“What about a containment center? What about the place where they kept our people for the bleeding?

“The hospital wing. We can try there.”

Lexa nods and Octavia takes the lead.

 

—————

 

“Sir, they’re inside, men down.”

Pike stares at the security feed, watching his men fall like flies, one after the other.

“So they have her a gun.” Pike says to himself. He grabs the nearest gun, cocks it and makes his way towards the hospital wing.

 

—————

 

“How much further?”

“Not far, just down this hall, door is to the left. Easier said than done.”

Lexa goes out from the corner, making her way down the hall, only met with gunfire. She scrambles back around the corner. Her arm suddenly feeling extremely heavy. 

“Heda.” Indra whispers, looking at the long trail of blood seeming down her arm. 

She shakes her head and hands over the gun over to Lincoln. She rips her sleeve and tie it around the seeping wound.

“I’m fine.”

“Commander, I have something of yours.”

Lexa’s head shoots up. Octavia shoves her against the wall, trapping her with her arm.

“You’re injured and he has a gun.”

“We have guns.”

“He’s crazy.”

“He has Clarke.”

Octavia looks around the corner, catching a glimpse of the blonde before Pike fires off a couple rounds, barely missing her head as she ducks back around the corner.

“Okay, so he has Clarke.”

“If you want Clarke, give me the Commander.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Octavia breathes out.

“Heda, you can’t.”

Lexa shoves past her, stopping shy of the hall, grabbing Octavia’s shoulder, pulling her close.

“You get Clarke, you get out of here. Don’t stop running, I’ll be right behind you.”

“We’re not leaving without you, we can’t.”

“You can and you will-“

“I’m waiting Commander!”

“You will do as your Heda commands you.” Lexa breathes out, the wound taking it’s toll.

A few seconds pass until Octavia speaks up.

“Yes, Heda.” She says, a heaviness in her voice.

Lexa shakes Lincoln’s hand, and surprisingly, hugs Indra with her good arm.

“Ste yuj.” Indra whispers in her ear.

Lexa gives the trio one last look, her pale face and dark circled eyes give them one last half smile before turning the corner. Her blood stained skin stands out in the red light as she puts her hands up, her eyes bore into Clarke’s. Clarke squirms in Pike’s grasp at the sight of her love, weak and vulnerable. 

“Lexa, what the hell are you doing?!” Clarke chokes out.

“Hello, ai hodnes.” Lexa speaks, losing her balance, bumping into the wall as she keeps moving forward. 

She stops in the middle of the hall and settles her hands at her sides.

“Let her go.”

“Closer.” He shoves the barrel into the side of Clarke’s head.

Lexa shuffles closer, placing herself in front of Clarke. A single tear reflects in the dim light down Clarke’s cheek.

“Please don’t do this.”

“Can I say goodbye?” Lexa addresses Pike.

“One minute.” He pushes Clarke into her arms, the gun still pointed at them.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck, her tears flow freely into Lexa’s shirt.

“I just got you back.”

“It’s cruel, I know.”

Clarke pulls back to look her in the eyes. They’re growing darker by the second.

“You’re hurt, you can’t take him alone.”

“I’ve had worse.”

“Clarke, I need you to go and leave this place and don’t look back.”

“If you think that I’m going to leave you, after all we’ve been through-“

“You have to.”

A choking sob comes from Clarke as she rests her forehead against Lexa’s shoulder. She watches Lexa’s good arm reach behind her, pulling something from her back pocket.

“Holy shit.” Octavia turns back to Lincoln and Indra.

“There she is.” Indra whispers, unsheathing her sword.

Lexa’s wounded arm wraps around her shoulder, pulling her closer. Clarke’s eyes stay trained on the device between their two bodies. Clarke loses her breath. She looks up at Lexa, who gives her a wink.

“Time’s up.” Pike breaks the silence.

“Yes it is.” Lexa whispers into Clarke’s ear as she presses a button and the device comes alive.

Lexa grabs the back of Clarke’s neck, pulling her in for a deep kiss. It sends chills up and down Clarke’s body. 

They separate, but not before Lexa whispers one last thing into Clarke’s ear.

“Run.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think!  
> I love writing this story and I hope you like reading it!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while since I updated. Sorry about that! I hope to update this fic and some others soon:) 
> 
> Enjoy!

It all happens so fast. Lexa pushing Clarke to run while she throws Raven’s makeshift bombs past Pike. The sheer force of the explosion slams everyone to the floor with debris everywhere and anywhere. The ringing echoes in Clarke’s ears as she tries her best to see through the thick wall of smoke, rising from the ground in the hallway. The red light still coats the world around her as she tries to get her bearings. Rubble covers the floors as well as herself. It’s a disaster. 

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice cracks through the dead silence.

She looks back to see Indra and Octavia knocked out by the corner of the hall. Their chests move up and down and Clarke breathes a sigh of relief. She looks forward and sees Pike with a trail of blood seeping down his head, barely breathing. All these bodies and none of them are Lexa.

Clarke stumbles to her feet, using the wall as a crutch to make her way down the hall, stepping over Pike. The second she steps over the man, she hears a whimper, one of pain but also resistance. It’s coming from around the corner.

“Lexa?” Clarke lightly calls out, inching towards the turn.

Clarke turns to find Lexa, barely standing and covered with dust. Her eyes are pressed shut and her head leans back into the wall. Her arm now covered entirely of her blood, it lays limply at her side as if the loss didn’t even bother her anymore.

“Oh my god.”

Clarke collapses into Lexa’s form, nuzzling herself into her neck as she wraps her in a weak hug. Lexa, breathing heavy, leans her head on Clarke’s shoulder.

“The hell were you thinking?” Clarke’s voice trembles.

Lexa mumbles something in her shoulder but Clarke can’t make it out. She leans back to look at her but Lexa doesn’t look up.

“Lexa?”

“34…12…”

“Oh Nonono.”

“30…”

“Lexa, lex, come on, I need you to look at me.” Clarke is now fully awake from her daze and grabs Lexa’s face in her hands, rapidly shaking her, trying her to wake up.

“18…”

“You can’t do this to me again.”

Lexa’s body begins to heat up and Clarke watches her veins turn that gut wrenching black shade once more. Clarke wraps her in her arms as they slink to the floor.

“She’s in my head, Clarke.” Lexa whimpers. It broke Clarke’s heart to hear the Commander sound so small.

“But I took out the flame, I fixed you.”

“The flame was a entrance, she’s in my mind. She’s the one who th-threw the bomb.”

“How did you get it?”

“It was a just in c-case from Raven.”

“Dammit Reyes.”

“We need to leave. Alie wants to- ahhhh” Lexa stops mid sentence, screaming, grabbing her head.

“Shit.” Clarke doesn’t hesitate to act and throws Lexa’s good arm around her neck and leans her into her side and starts to make her way towards Octavia, who’s regaining consciousness. 

“O, we gotta go!” Clarke screams from down the hall.

Octavia knew that tone. She props up and shoves Indra and Lincoln awake. As Clarke reaches Octavia, a blaring alarm barrels through the halls. Screams of orders can be heard only a few feet away. 

Lexa groans in pain as Clarke gets a better grip on her as well as picking Octavia to get up.

“We. Need to. Move!”

Octavia regains her footing and helps Indra with Lincoln on the other side. The group moves as fast their battered bodies can through the concrete halls. Lexa’s body is on fire, her skin increasingly harder to grip because of the thin layer of sweat glistens over her body. Her black veins pop from her pale skin and Clarke doesn’t fail to notice.

“I am not letting that mind freak do this to you again.”

“I need to get to the control room.” Lexa tries to pry herself away from Clarke’s grasp.

“No way in hell.”

Quickly thinking, she pushes through a door and into another medical room with the trio following closely. Lincoln locks the door, takes it upon himself to keep watch. Clarke drops Lexa onto a wheelchair, straps her in. Lexa’s knuckles turn white as she fights against the restrains. 

“Clarke, please!.” Lexa pleads through her teeth.

“I’m trying.” Clarke yells as she rummages through various cabinets of medicine. Bottles crashing and breaking all over the place until Clarke finds a clear liquid. She silently mumbles the fine print to herself. She eyes go wide and snatches the bottle off the shelf. Clarke flies across the room, grabbing a syringe and fills the vile. She rips open Lexa’s sleeve and presses the needle into her skin. The medicine immediately taking it’s tole on Lexa as her body gives in and relaxes.

“Next time, I get to save you.” Lexa mumbles out before passing out.

A single tear glides down Clarke’s face as she strokes Lexa’s cheek. 

“Is that it?” Octavia questions, her sword pointed at the door, hinting that they _really_ need to move.

“It’s something to get us out of here quicker.” 

“So what are we going to do? She doesn’t have the flame but she’s still dead set about destroying the planet anyhow. No amount of grounder medicine will fix her. We can’t leave.”

“What do you want me to do? If we stay, we die. If we leave, we lose every chance to fix her, she’ll fight us until she truly destroys us all, and we die.”

“We’ll find some other way.” 

Clarke begins to pace back and forth. The internal clock ticking away, every second feeling heavier and heavier. 

“No. No, there is no other way. If we leave, like you said, she’ll fight. She’ll run away or something, then we have the Commander running out there with a giant target on her back. Then Pike gets what he wants, and this war will be inevitable. The ice nation and sky people won’t stop until the other is dead and this world will be good as gone.”

“We’ll die before we can fix her. We don’t even know what to do!”

“You don’t think I know that!” Clarke screams back. The ferocity in her voice takes Octavia aback.

“I know we don’t know how to fix her and I know that this is killing her and it feels like the entire world is against us, but imagine if it was Lincoln. What would you do then?”

Lincoln looks back at the mention of his name and locks eyes with Octavia. They know very well what she would do and they don’t bother masking the truth. 

“Alright. Where do we start?” Octavia asks.

That’s the golden question, isn’t it? Where _do_ they start? There’s an army at the door and there’s two more waiting just outside. Everyone wants Lexa dead but they don’t even know she’s doing their job for them. She’s dying trying to keep Alie from ending the world and Clarke doesn’t know anything past knocking her out. 

“We gotta move her. A better medical room, something where we can see what’s actually going on inside of her.”

“The main medical bay is upstairs.” Octavia adds.

Before Clarke can say anything, the harsh pounding on the doors startle them. Lincoln and Indra try their best to hold the door closed but they’re slowly losing. 

“Alright, alright. Medical bay. Where is it upstairs?”

“That’s the thing. It’s right across the hall from central command.” 

 

Shit. 


End file.
